2007-12-20

Battle Of Brains

Some lines (see Go to YouTube.com) from Reservation Road (2007)
★ What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a four-leaf clover?
  带着四叶苜蓿穿越毒藤时,你会得到什么呢?
¤ A rash of good luck. (幸运皮疹)
★ What do you call a deer with no eyes? (什么是没有知识的“路”?)
¤ No i-deer. (不知“道”。)
★ What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
 (什么是没有知识、不走正道?)
¤ Still no i-deer. (偏偏不知道)
★ If a man speaks in the middle of the forest with no woman there to hear him, is he still wrong?
 (如果一个男人在森林中央发表演讲又没有女人做听众,他还是错的吗?)
★ If con is the opposite of pro, then what is the opposite of progress?
 (如果“正”和“反”相对,那么“反腐”的对象是什么?)
¤ Congress! (政府)

More hard questions in life:
◆ If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
◆ Is there another word for synonym?
◆ Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do practice?"
◆ What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
◆ If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
◆ Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
◆ Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?
◆ Why are cigarettes sold at gas stations where smoking is prohibited?
◆ If nothing ever sticks to Teflon, how do they make Teflon stick to the pan?
◆ If you are driving at the speed of light and turn on your headlights, what happens?
◆ Why do we park on driveways and drive on parkways?
◆ Why is it that when you transport something by a car it is called a shipment, and when you transport something by ship it is called cargo?
◆ Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
◆ If fire fighters fight fires, and crime fighters fight crime, what do freedom fighters fight?
◆ If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?
◆ How can you get four suits for a dollar? --Buy a deck of cards.
◆ How do we know the Indians were the first people in North America? --They had reservations.
◆ What can you hold without ever touching it? --A conversation.
◆ What clothes does a house wear? --Address.
◆ What did the rug say to the floor? --Don't move, I've got you covered.
◆ What do bees do with their honey? --They cell it.
◆ Why were the teacher's eyes crossed? --She couldn't control her pupils.
◆ What do you do when your chair breaks? --Call a chairman.
◆ What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors? --A piano.
◆ What has one horn and gives milk? --A milk truck.
◆ What is a tree's favorite drink? --Root beer.
◆ Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon? --He took them to a pignic.
◆ Why did the doughnut shop close? --The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!

More Riddles
Q: Four legs and a foot but cannot walk,
With head without mouth cannot talk
(四腿一脚不能走,有头无口不能言)
A: Bed (床).
Q: What has mouth but cannot talk, and has bed but cannot sleep?
(有口不能言,有床不能睡)
A: River (河)
Q: Why did a student take a ladder to school?
A: Because he/she was going to high school!
Q: Why did the tomato blush?
A: Because she saw the salad dressing!
Q: How many apples can you eat if your stomach is empty?
A: One. Because after eating one apple your stomach isn't empty.
Q: What are the two strongest days of the week?
A: They are Saturday and Sunday. All the others are weak (week) days.
Q: Which is faster, heat or cold?
A: Heat, because you can catch a cold.
Q: Which horses have six legs?
A: All horses have forelegs (four legs) in front and two in back.
Q: What do you drop when you need it and take back when you don't?
A: Anchor.
Q. What is black when it is clean and white when it is dirty?
A: Blackboard.
Q: What has teeth but can't eat?
A: Comb.
Q: Which candle burns longer: a black one or a white one?
A: Neither. They both burn shorter.
Q: Name five days of the week without Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday?
A: The day before yesterday, yesterday, today, tomorrow, and the day after tomorrow.
Q: What has a soft bed but never sleeps, a big mouth but never speaks?
A: A river.
Q: Which eight-letter word has one letter in it?
A: Envelope.
Q: What is the center of gravity?
A: Letter V.
Q: What is Black and white and read (red) all over?
A: A newspaper.
Q: Why is number six afraid ?
A: Because seven eight nine (seven ate nine)
Q: What did zero say to eight?
A: Nice belt.
Q: What appears once in every minute, twice in every moment,
but not once in thousand years?
A: M
Q: Which is the left side of a cake?
A: The side has not been eaten.
Q: Why is a river rich?
A: Because it has two banks.
Q: What is you ought to keep but also give it away?
A: A promise.
Q: Where can you never tell the truth?
A: When you are lying anywhere.
Q: Why is a room full of married couples empty?
A: Because there is not a single man in the room.
Q: What table has no leg?
A: A timetable or vegetable.
Q: Why are people close to their mothers instead of their fathers?
A: Because the father is always farther (father).
Q: What question can never get answer "YES."?
A: Are you asleep?
Q: What is the beginning of everything, also the end of life?
A: E
Q: My tail is long, my coat is brown;
I like the country, I like the town.
I can live in a house or live in a shed;
And I come out to play when you are in bed.
A: Mouse
Q: I sleep by day, I fly by night.
I have no feathers, To aid my flight.
A: Bat.
Q: What kind of apple isn't an apple?
A: Pineapple
Q: What force and strength cannot get through,
I, with a gentle touch, can do;
And many in the street would stand,
Were I not, as a friend, at hand.
A: Key.
Q: What lives in winter, dies in summer, and grows with its root upwards?
A: Icicle
Q: I love to dance and twist and prance,
I shake my tail, as away I sail,
Wingless I fly into the sky.
Who can tell who am I?
A: Kite.
Q: What makes tears without sorrow and takes its journey to heaven?
A: Smoke.
Q: Two brothers we are, great burden we bear
By which we are bitterly pressed;
In truth we may say, we are full all the day,
But empty when we go to rest.
A: Shoes.
Q: Hands she has but does not hold,
teeth she has but does not bite,
feet she has but they are cold,
eyes she has but without sight.
A: Doll.
Q: At night they come without being fetched,
and by day they are lost without being stolen.
A: Star.
Q: The greater it is, the less you see of it.
A: Darkness.
Q: I come out of the earth and sold in the market.
Who buys me cuts my tail and takes off my suit of silk,
And weeps beside me when I am dead.
A: Onion.
Q: Look in my face, I am somebody; Look in my back, I am nobody.
A: Mirror.
Q: The beginning of eternity, the end of time and space;
the beginning of every end, and the end of every place.
A: E.
Q: I open wide and tight I shut,
Sharp am I and paper cut
Fingers too, so do take care,
I'm good and bad, so best beware.
A: Scissors
Q: What is it that is bought by the yard but worn by the foot?
A: Carpet.
Q: What starts with a T, ends with a T, and is full of T?
A: Teapot.
Q: What word of only three syllables contains twenty-six letters?
A: Alphabet.
Q: How to put three sixes together so as to make seven?
A: 6+6/6
Q: Why is the letter "A" like noon?
A: Because it's in the middle of the day.
Q. Why was the hearse horse hoarse?
A. Because of the coffin.
Q: Do you know why birds fly to south in the winter?
A: Because it's too far to walk there.
Q: What gets wetter as it dries?
A: A towel.
Q: What are the 3 important rings in life?
A: Engagement ring, Wedding ring, and suffering.
Q: Which room has no doors, no windows.
A: A mushroom.
Q: Why did the man throw a bucket of water out the window?
A: He wanted to see the waterfall.
Q: Why did the man throw the butter out the window?
A: He wanted to see the butterfly.
Q: Why did the man throw his watch out of the window?
A: He wanted to see time fly.
Q: Why did the man put the clock in the safe?
A: He wanted to save time.
Q: How do you spell mousetrap?
A: C-A-T.
Q: What do tigers have that no other animals have?
A: Baby tigers.
Q: Why is number six afraid ?
A: Because seven eight nine (seven ate nine)
Q: What did zero say to eight?
A: Nice belt.
Q: What is the difference between the capital of Russia and a calf's mother?
A: One is Moscow, the other is a cow's Ma.
Q: What do you call a Spaniard who can't find his car?
A: Carlos.
Q: What's the difference between electricity and lightening?
A: You don't have to pay for lightening.
Q: What do you call a witch at the beach?
A: A sandwich.
Q: Why did the traffic signal turn red?
A: You would too if you had to change in the middle of the street.
Q: Why are baseball stadiums so cool?
A: There is a fan in every seat.

黑不是白不是红黄更不是和狐狸猫狗彷佛既非家畜又非野兽
诗也有词也有论语上也有对南北东西模糊虽是短品却是妙文

2007-12-14

A Cyber Dream

I had this dream
All bits formed a stream

There was green grass, there was blue sky
There was virus, there was spy

Only in a living house
I saw a moving mouse

A machine became my host
I had to log on as a guest

I'm no longer called by name
Only the ID could be my fame

People were fishing in the 'net
Almost everything you could get

Shutting down the window
Whole world was in shadow

Everything out of the memory
I dumped this in the diary

2007-12-03

Hate Monday

討厭的星期一

  现在刚进十二月,周末就下雪了。昨天下午雪倒是停了,可雨又哗哗地下个不停,真让人depressing。早上上班,整理钱包的时候发现BF在KOHL'S拿的20块代用卷正好上周六到期,我还没用,气的我!估计如果丢20块钱还不至于生什么气,就是想想那天那么辛苦地排队,怎么居然忘花了它呢。

2007.12.03.